Grieving

In the grieving process, some days are just harder than others.  Today was a hard day.  I don’t know if it was because of the fact that I was anticipating something special that didn’t happen or if it was because today was the first day that I really allowed myself to think of my grandmother’s death. 

My grandmother passed away Friday, April 18.  In the weeks leading up to her death, I dealt with a lot of anger.  She didn’t follow the doctor’s advisements.  She ate things that she wasn’t supposed to.  She basically did everything that she should not do and nothing that she should do.  I think that I felt that she was betraying us all by just giving up, and I was really mad at her for that.  But when I walked into the hospital room to say goodbye, I realized that she had been ready to go for so long.  She was ready to be with my mom.  I was able to let my anger go at that moment. 

In the whirlwind of the next few days, I tried to forget that I had lost another person in my life that I depended upon.   I feel as though I have so few people left in my life.